The boogie man is back. I shouldn't complain though, right? Out of the 5 1/2 years Rowen has been here, he slept through the night most nights in his bed for the past 6 months or so. We thought the alleged monster had gone on to frighten some other sweet, cherubim-like child out of his wits. But now, the boogie man is back in town and Rowen is back to sleeping in our room.
Some nights we are successful in scooping him up after he falls asleep and putting him in his bed. We'd get a few hours of peace before he comes in our room screaming. Last night was not such a night. I attempted the scoop-and-drop maneuver, but crashed and burned when Rowen woke up and realized my evil little plot. "I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP IN MY BED! I HATE YOU! I'M NEVER GONNA LOVE YOU AGAIN!..." And his impressive repertiore of kindergarten obscenities goes on as he flops on the floor to grind his point in the ground. Ahh, peaceful good night...
He finally relents and falls alsleep in the sleeping bag beside our bed. A few hours of moonlit quiet later, he awakes to complete the tantrum before I even open my eyes. I just can't keep up.
Keeping up (sigh)... like the time when, at 2-years-old, he broke stride in church and I gave chase in my sweaty work-out gear after just finishing a class. Even then I couldn't keep up. I should have read into the metaphor then. I remember as I was running I started to look around and noticed some well dressed people staring at me in all my sweaty glory. I turned my head and realized I had just chased my wild child right past an open casket. I pulled off the scoop manuever and ran out the door, vowing to never again show my face in public. Or at least at another funeral.
Rowen is constantly on emotional and sensory overload. Once it starts adding up: game over. It's hard to always know the triggers or keep up with how he will handle it.
But in the few sleepy moments of peace I had before drifting off, I looked at my boy in his sleeping bag and throught ahead to his future with autism. Will it take away his ability to be happy and successful in whatever he chooses? Will he get married someday and be happy? Will he come home to see his mom for some home cooked spaghetti and meatballs? In those few moments, I felt a welcomed twinge of peace. Of course he will.
I know I can't always keep up with a loving, sweet, and wild boy with autism, but I will enjoy those moments Rowen is with me. Not autism. Rowen. Like earlier in the day when he told me it was the best day ever as he skipped rocks across the water. Yes, the best day ever. I thought so too.
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