BRUSH YOUR $#%&! TEETH!!

I have a confession to make.

I yelled at my child today.

Nothing that will put me on America's Ten Most Wanted list, but nonetheless, I did it.

I will spare you the details about why I got frustrated after telling Rowen to brush his teeth about 150 times, or to take his medicine that I put right in front of his breakfast bowl only to find it (every day) still sitting there when we are trying to run out the door for school. I also won't go into detail about how he still had to get his book bag together, shoes laced up, and jacket on in the 45 seconds we had until the school bell would ring, but instead found him playing with a squirt gun. I will also not tell you that I told him to hang up the shorts and t-shirt in exchange for cold weather clothes about a hundred times only to catch him at the breakfast table in his summer gear. Dirty from wearing them yesterday. So yeah, I will spare you the details.

Sigh.

However, despite my intro I did not swear at my child as a result of our crazy morning routine. I won't do that. But is it really drawing that much of a line when I take the liberty of yelling at him just to blow my own steam? After I calmed down, I realized I was glad that no one had been watching because I wouldn't exactly have earned the Mother of the Year award. I only say it now because it might be one of those PBS 'you-too-can-learn-from-my-mistakes' moments.

I read an article the other day about how yelling at our kids can be just as damaging as hitting them. In some cases, I suspect it can be much worse. I have often humbled myself by apologizing to Rowen for being less than cordial in our exchanges. I think that in addition to teaching ourselves that it is not ok to yell at our kids, we also have to swallow some humble pie if we ever break code. How are we to ever teach our kids to do the same if we refuse to do it ourselves?

So despite having to put "yelled at my ADHD child for being off-task" on my parenting resume, I have to face up to the fact that it was certainly not my best parenting moment and vow to do better next time. I may have to blow the dust off the old morning routine chart for Rowen and go at it again. I may have to get the boys up earlier (Whoa! Do I have to go that far?), although that doesn't seem to do any good. I may need to look inside myself and figure out a better way to do this. After all, I am the parent, right? And by looking inside myself, I should clarify that this does not mean the absence of discipline, it just means a better form of it. That is, if yelling is even considered a discipline technique.

So while I may not be in an orange jump suit any time soon for yelling at my son, let's consider for a moment that this somewhat ridiculous thought may not be so far off the beaten path. Because if we really are supposed to be the parents, don't we need to teach our children to be the best possible human beings they can be? We don't want them to walk with a limp their whole lives because of our mistakes. That should darn well be criminal.

And fret not if you've also been less than stellar in this category. The last paragraph of the article talks about how we can turn things around with a simple apology and a willingness to make a change for next time. They are worth it, after all.

 

 

Here is a link to the article: http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/study-shows-yelling-kids-damaging-hitting-them-150200191.html#!l8n05

 

 

 

Don't Change a Thing

I think we are holding our own. Every time I say that, however, I hold my breath and wait for the next boom to come. But lately I've been able to settle into a new idea. An idea that holds the possibility of change. For good.

I think all parents have their stories. Stories of success and failure. Stories of their kids learning something new and stumbling across their own two feet. Stories of the strange things they are bound to say to others that make us laugh or embarrass the crap out of us. In our case, it usually involves our boys giving some kind of reference to their junk (still).

But overall they've made us laugh lately- a lot. Just yesterday Lane went up to a lady and her baby on the playground and started a rant about how he thinks crabs are stupid. A boy can have his opinion, I guess. And Rowen. Rowen is constantly flexing his biceps and kissing them and asking us if he's the strongest.

Out kids are funny, crazy and the sweetest things we've ever known. And they're just that. Kids. Compared to a year ago, I feel as though we've entered a new realm where kids are kids and we don't have to tend to the pangs of autism every minute of every day (and night). We've worked and slaved to find a solution that works and I think we've stumbled upon gold- or as close to gold as we'll ever get around here. Not perfection, but close enough.

I took Rowen into a new pediatrician last week and braced myself for the crazy things that might come out of his mouth the second the door flew open and the doctor walked in. Instead, the doc sauntered in and sat next to Rowen and they had a chat about school, his coming birthday, and Batman. It was a little- ok a lot- different than any time before. I think we probably owe retribution to several other docs for emotional scars we left before.

And then came some very sweet words. "If I didn't know he had a diagnosis, I wouldn't know the difference," his doc said. "Don't change a thing."

Wow. Don't change a thing. That's a first for us. It's been nearly 7 years of "do this" or "do that" because you suck and he needs more help, yadda yadda yadda.

So I think I might do just that: not change a thing. For now. Yes, he still struggles but I am certain that these are struggles that many parents face. Rowen has been less anxious about school though that's not perfect either. Just today he burst into tears before school recalling how yesterday he'd asked his friend to make room for him at the lunch table and his friend wouldn't. I just hugged him and we went through the plan of finding other friends to sit with (which is exactly what he had done!). A small reminder and he felt better. After all, he was prepared because he's been working on that one for weeks.

I admit to not loving the continued reliance on an antipsychotic medication to make this reality happen (for him, not me- yeah, yeah I know what you were thinking), but for now I think I will just sit back and watch him grow no matter how it comes. I'm not going to change a thing.