Eye of the Tiger

We made headlines again tonight.

At Lane's t-ball practice, no less.

It always picks the perfect time to descend upon me. It's laughable when I look back, really. I can't make this stuff up.

Brenner was playing dutiful t-ball dad while I followed Rowen around, and around, and around. He hit the playground for awhile before getting his balloon from the car to kick around. I was talking to our very kind connections leader at our church on the sidelines while keeping a watchful eye on Rowen. It went something like this:

Connections Leader: "So why aren't you guys connected to a small group?"

Me: "Umm, we would love to but we really can't with Rowen."

Connections Leader: "We need to get you guys connected."

Me: "Um that would be nice, but..."

As if on cue, I see Rowen out of the corner of my eye batting at the balloon over a giant puddle.

Boy with autism who hates a drop of water on any part of his body + a massive puddle = a good reason we are not connected. To anything. Ever.

 It was like the world went in slow motion for a moment, and all voices reverted to that slowed down, deep throaty version of themselves when I saw Rowen take one last shot at grabbing the balloon- holding my breath and hoping for a miracle- then slamming down into the puddle.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO (Slow-mo as I jog Rocky style across the field with Eye of the Tiger pushing me on)

I braced the connections leader with "This is going to be bad" just before Rowen screamed "SHIIIIIIT!!" at the top of his lungs. I excused myself, noticing the giant crowd that had just turned to see who would allow their child to scream obscenities in the church parking lot. I swooped him up toward the car and tried to contain the massive meltdown he had. Poor kid. Poor me.

Just how I pictured t-ball going. The red-faced, obscenity-screaming, self-loathing autism monster was alive and well in my boy.

Tonight as I sang what Lane calls "The Baby Song" at bedtime, I was reminded of singing it to Rowen for so long when he was little. When he was a baby I could have never known how true those lyrics would ring as I help Rowen along his path. So you guessed it, I am going to put the lyrics here. If I had only known that "The Baby Song" would have doubled fittingly for a boy with autism...

Baby mine, don't you cry.
Baby mine, dry your eyes.
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part
Baby of mine.

Little one when you play
Pay no heed what they say
Let your eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear
Baby of mine

If they knew all about you
They'd end up loving you too
All those same people who scold you
What they'd give just for the right to hold you

From your head down to your toes
You're not much, goodness knows
But you're so precious to me
Sweet as can be
Baby of mine