I'm Home

Rowen has been doing better- and worse. He has had some great days with his anxiety and anger, but his ADHD has kicked into full gear, complete with notes sent home from his teacher and some not-so-great reports about his little wind-up-toy self. I was sailing along thinking things at home were looking up and then a parent-teacher conference brought me back down to earth. Rowen says he does a lot of "blurting out" in school and was even sent to do some laps around a table to get some of his jitters out. He came home with a half done paper that showed his lack of focus was at an all time high.

He's been taking a powerful vitamin/mineral mix supplement that we had high hopes for, but it doesn't seem to be the end all we were looking for. I have been reading up on food, vitamins, and how our bodies are deficient. I know Rowen's is just by looking at his dark-circled eyes, pale face, and itchy red skin. Test after test shows dead ends for us when it comes to finding what might be amiss in his body though. I was hoping for something we could help him with other than a powerful dose of psychotropic meds.

Allergy test: negative.

Blood work: negative.

Endocrinology test for cryin' out loud: negative.

We've had some great leads but nothing to show for it. The next stop on this ride is medicine town. I wish I could do a drive-by on that one. I know that won't help because I just want him to feel better. I can't imagine how he must feel at times. He's even developed a slight tic where he brushes the sides of his head with his fingers when he is in his highly wound-up mode.

I will say that I was encouraged when we took Rowen to a special-needs bowling league for the first time this week. I sat back and watched him marvel at every pin he knocked down. I couldn't help but smile at his constant need to be ready for his next turn- never sitting down for a second and instead pacing around the ball return in his usual tip-toe stance. I looked around at the other kids- each with their own set of struggles but also their own set of unique and beautiful characteristics that most of us can only dream of possessing. I sat back and smiled at my super-charged bowler and his friends and couldn't help but think "I'm home."

I'm home because this is where God placed us. Brenner and I might not have had a clue about the special needs community had it not been for our very special boy. I might have missed out on bowling night or new friends at our special needs service at church. It's not something any of us strive for, but when we are there we realize we are home.

I got home that night to see Lane making his own strikes on the Wii with daddy. I never thought a 2-year-old could beat me at bowling, but I stand corrected. I guess I have two very special bowlers. Two special bowlers on a night where I felt an overflow of the heart. I have found that at an intersection of hardship and greatness. Now that's a town I never want to bypass.