When you meet one kid with autism, you've met one kid with autism. I think most people would agree that each spectrum child struggles uniquely. Funny, because as much as I know that, and the entire autism community knows that, apparently the powers that be are blissfully unaware.
I know this because we just lost our funding for all of Rowen's therapies through Franklin County, AKA the powers that be. Even with the autism diagnosis, kids must undergo a redetermination of funding at age 6. I am all for that, because many kids do improve enough to no longer need services. I guess they don't care that my kid is not one of them. Sure he's improved greatly over the years and at times, his diagnosis is nearly undetectable. And then there are times it's like sounding a bullhorn through Times Square. I had one such day today, which reminded me all the more that the system is flawed. Sigh. I guess they usually are.
I took Rowen to the pool today along with Lane and my 10-year-old niece. (If you knew what taking my kids out entailed, you'd be giving me a standing ovation right about now). Keeping my kids grounded is often like trying to stop World War II with a squirt gun. I went with my good friend and her 3-year-old daughter too (love you guys!) and I can only imagine what she thought of my untamable brood. I can only imagine what most people thought, actually. I have a good idea though, because I am pretty well used to the stares. Like when Lane often wanders away (usually like he has a jet-pack strapped to his back), Rowen takes it upon himself to run after him (yes, that's very nice and I praised him for it), but grabs at him like a terrorist and yells his kindergarten obscenities at him to stop. Hence the many looks that seem to say where is their mother? I can tell you where their mother is. She's the one running to keep up and keep the crazy to a minimum as much as possible.
In Rowen's ADHD craze, he absolutely could not keep his hands off his cousin. And I may as well have tape recorded myself telling Rowen not to splash other people because I could have saved myself the breath. Lots and lots and lots and lots of breath.
He also does his evil screaming at me with the I wouldn't let my kid talk to me like that glares in the background. As much as we've addressed that problem (and believe me, we have) we still haven't found the lock combination to stop it. His frustration goes into overdrive and it comes out like the grim reaper on steroids. I am not sure I will brave the pool again until both my kids are 18.
And after all the effort, when we left Lane told me he hated me in a sing-song voice like he was ordering a burger at Wendy's. And then he repeated it just in case I didn't hear it the first time. I am so glad we've had autism and ADHD to role model that for him. Can you hear my sarcasm? I hope so, because I am laying it on pretty thick here.
I am not trying to paint Rowen in a bad light here. It's the behaviors of autism that are the real tragedy. Combined with a kid who is just trying to make his way in the world like any other kid, it's just a disaster. I know he struggles a lot. He's been hitting himself so much more when we have to discipline him and the "I hate myself" statements are a dime-a-dozen in this house. He really can't control himself at times. I think his excitement meter goes ballistic and he literally goes out of his mind temporarily.
So thank you, Franklin County, for determining that we are good to go. Rowen did not meet 3 of your 6 criteria for continued help so I guess we are on our own. It's true that he is more functional in his daily living and self-care skills than many kids (and God bless those families because I know they struggle greatly too). But that doesn't mean that we still don't struggle just because Rowen can brush his teeth. I think the system needs to recognize all kids on the spectrum as being in need of extra care and to ditch this one-size-fits-all approach to autism. Because once you've met one kid with autism, you've met one kid with autism. My kid happens to be one of them.
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