We stayed at a condominium complex where mostly older folks stay in the hopes of some peace and quiet. We don't quite fit in with that picture, especially when Rowen is standing at the foot of the pool screaming about his balls while Lane echoes something similar about his penis while treading water. I can't tell you exactly how many sweetly smiling seniors paced the pool for their water aerobics, but I am sure there were enough to give us a few confused stares. I wouldn't know though because I really don't look anymore. I am sure a few stares also came our way when Rowen blew up about his goggles slipping off his face. It's funny because as much as I have become accustomed to the norm, I still can't say I always know the right move. Maybe it's hopefulness that it will be different or that I can change the outcome. Whatever it is, it's probably just stupid. Just follow the script, Amanda.
I know I probably make it out to be so bad and it really isn't. I have to laugh a little at some of our misfortunes if we have to go through them. We really did have a great time and I loved watching Rowen and Lane jump into the warm waves of the Gulf with smiles across their faces. And though he told the girl on the plane in the seat in front of him that he hated her (yes, of course we talked to him about that one), he did make a friend on the sunny shore that he did quite well with. When those things happen, we usually drop everything to let him have the time he needs. He needs the practice- and the confidence.
As school creeps up to being right around the corner, the nights are becoming more sleepless as Rowen's anxiety grows. He is starting to ruminate about his fears involving school and the social situations that he will face. I remember being scared too, but I hate that the deck is stacked against him. The very social cues that you and I pick up on to clue us in on our next moves are usually in outer space for Rowen. He is a good kid (despite how many times he spews messages of self-hatred) and, as I told him tonight, his goodness can go unseen due to his emotional dysregulation, hyperactivity, and occasional- ok obsessional- talk about his balls. I guess that's a boy thing at any level, although it is curious when I catch him rehearsing how throw it into conversation.
So if you think about it, say a prayer or two for Rowen. He could always use some grace in spite of his rough exterior at times. And if you catch him talking about his junk, just know that this too shall pass and another obsession will soon come his way. Hopefully one that's a little more PG.
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