Bye-bye Nouns

We are homeschoolers.

Before you look at me as if I have horns sprouting from my head, let me explain!

We homeschool and it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made for Rowen. Granted, I may have a few more gray hairs but I am still alive and kicking. Well, alive anyway.

Our year started out ok but quickly fell under the category of "What the heck was I thinking?!" If it hadn't been for my obsessive need for complete and utter clarity before getting started, I may have thrown in the towel. Many times. But clarity in doing what I was doing prevailed. And Starbucks.

I learned that Rowen's anxiety did not only stem from classroom distractions when it came to academics. I experienced it with him in a quiet room with just the two of us. He would worry. He would fret. He believed that I would tell everyone how stupid he is because he got a math problem wrong.

I always thought he was fine academically. I never worried about the homework in his backpack so much as him throwing up before school because he couldn't stomach going. I never worried, that is, until I sat next to him day in and day out and discovered how wrong I was. When the cloud cover of anxiety is lowered, he can do much better of course, but there was still something... off. It turns out that "something" was learning disabilities. But wait, he has autism. And ADHD. And adrenal dysfunction. And... what was that last diagnosis? I had been so focused on all of that that I missed the forest for the trees.

So I got to work on seeing the forest again. I once again had to step back from all I knew and had to make my own way. I remember one of the first days trying to teach Rowen what a noun was as he screamed with tears in his eyes.

But you have to know this! I thought. It is, after all, a second-grade level book and therefore you must start here and know all of this right now! See, it says right on the cover... SECOND GRADE!

It was a defining moment for me. Forget nouns when this kid struggles so hard to read that he wants to kill himself. So I said bye-bye nouns and hello to my child.

So we went back in time. We pulled out all our first grade artillery to get him comfortable. To get him to hate the process a little less. Dare I say, to love learning? To build him up into the kid that doesn't have to hate himself just to tell me what a noun is. To be... Rowen.

I am happy to say that the journey already looks different. He has built back up to where he can randomly say to me, "Mom, I think I love myself now." How 'bout them apples? Forget nouns, I see confidence. I see grace. I see Rowen.

It's not perfect. I am not Mary Poppins or Mary Tyler Moore. Some days are still really tough. But we are making it work.

And don't fret because I did come back to nouns just last week. We made it back there, but this time with a kid who reads to me well enough that I had to ask yesterday if he skipped pages because he zoomed through it without even asking for help. A far cry from me sitting next to him and lining every word with my finger just so he could stick to it.

So what is a noun, Rowen? A person, place, or thing. And what do you think about that? I think I love myself.

But for the grace of God we are here. I hope it sticks, although I do hope Starbucks never goes out of business.